Tic Toc … well we have reached the point in our adoption process where the “official wait” begins. As I began preparing myself emotionally for this part of the journey, I started to feel relieved that we were entering a “busy” time in life; summer, a season where time flies and fun activities at work and home take place, and before you know it time passes.
After spending time in prayer and silence, seeking God’s voice and guidance, I began to feel convicted of my way of coping. I recognized that my prayer for patience and my feelings towards the “wait” were not one in the same. My expectations for a fast pace, time flying, season, was not in fact patience. It was my facing this journey without the dependence of God, and not being open to what it is He wants for me to gain from this aspect of the process.
I began to read in Mark, where scripture talks about Christ’s experience in the wilderness. That even when Jesus was in the wilderness he grew hungry. His so powerful example of how he dealt with his hunger, left me questioning; “how am I going to handle my hunger if and when that time comes?” If God, so chooses to place us in the wilderness, am I ready to lean on the “word of God” and not “bread alone”?
The “Wilderness” by definition is a barren land that has been neglected or abandoned, without food or water. The lack of life and resources often leaves one deprived and reliant on whatever comes their way. Often times without the fulfillment one needs to survive one can begin resorting to things far from God and giving into temptation.
That same day that I was reading and journaling through Mark, God directed my eyes to Isaiah 43:19. In this particular verse, God says that he is going to do something new. He placed a path in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Through this scripture I am reminded how God will be with me, but more importantly, it is possible for him to provide me guidance and hope, even during a time that can feel so dry and lonely. I have begun praying that God send me a path in my wilderness and a river in my desert. That life, hope, and direction be placed in my life. It is possible, he has done it before, and he can do that for me.
Now, although I pray that we do not have to enter the wilderness, I feel my heart is more prepared and my faith is strengthened by God’s guidance through his scripture. Like in the book of Genesis, I want to be like Jacob who served for his wife Rachel for seven years, but because of his love for her it felt like days. I desire that same love, and I am reminded that this adoption is not for me, but for God’s child, and it is in His hands!
A sneak peak at the nursery that awaits baby Dykema.